Tuesday, March 15, 2011

We will party... like it's your birthday.

Sometimes I wonder if my readers wonder to themselves, "gee is she ever going to stop rambling about that baby? It's almost been seven months." All I can say is, though this was my "Fraser Family Blog" years before Savannah came into our lives, I stepped back and unofficially dedicated this blog to her life for one year. For her 1st birthday I plan on making these blog posts... the ones about her life... into a book. So anytime in the future that I feel like sitting down and "remembering" my journey through saying goodbye, I can. One years worth. So anytime it may seem like I am just recapping on a subject where the story never changes, please realize that I am doing this for me. For my husband. For my children. Because I imagine in ten years, the color visions we have in our minds of August 2010 may be less vivid. They might start to be fading to grey. And when those colors lessen, I know I will always be able to repaint this canvas. Savannah's story will be remembered when we are old... When our children grow up... They can share her story with their spouses, with my grandchildren. Savannah's stories will never be forgotten.

We are approaching the seven month mark. It is surreal. There are not words to describe, what it feels like to know you are over half way through a year without someone. I already find myself dreaming about her 1st birthday in heaven. To mommies who say goodbye to their babies, the first birthday is a big deal.

Yesterday I was talking about plans. I elaborated these plans to my husband. Such big dreams one can dream for the memory of their cherished babies. You could see the heartache in my husband, {the realist's,} eyes. He see's the mother of his deceased baby planning a party for our daughter. He knows in his heart not many would come. He asked me, "you don't really think a lot of people would come do you?"

Our cemetery is very gracious. For fourth of July we get front row seats, {right next to Savannah} for the fireworks. No hassle with parking. No hassle with traffic afterwards. We just pick up a ticket a week or two before hand and on the 4th, we can hand it to them at the gate and come in. Right before... or all afternoon. The lady who helped us pick Savannah's plot, said families bring their barbeque's and have picnics during the day. To some that may not seem desirable. A picnic in the graveyard. To me? There doesn't sound like any place more desirable than the cemetery to have a picnic. Where ALL of our family can be together. In a different way.

So I've been thinking, I'm sure they would let us have a barbeque for Savannah's birthday! If they didn't have a service taking place that day, I bet they would even let us use the canopy. There's invitations that could be sent, and balloons that could be released. But to my husband? All he see's are the family members with serious insecurities over Savannah's death. Her birthday to her mommy is far from awkward... far from uncomfortable. It is MONUMENTAL. It is s day to be celebrated. And it will be celebrated. With a party. Whether people want to (happily) attend, or not. Because I assure you. Tissues will be checked at the gate.

Purple balloons will be released with everyone writing their names, 
and a message (if they'd like) on the outside.
If you live away from us, but hold a piece of
Savannah's heart, when it gets closer to time
I will include all of her dear followers who would like.


John and Allie Fields said...

Sarah Hazel and I will happily release a purple balloon on that day!

Mrs. Tate said...

It will be beautiful! <3


Completely understand...I use my blog as a journal and I get it printed into a book every year and I hope that someday my kids can look back and see what I went through, my feelings, etc.

Cally said...

I wish I could be right there with you on her first birthday!! I will surely let a purple balloon go for her. ♥ I love you guys.

The Martha Complex said...

I love the idea. A co-worker lost her daughter a 2 years ago and while she doesn't have a full scale party, her family and some close friends met at the cemetary for cupcakes on her daughter's birthday in heaven.

And I would love to release a purple balloon in Florida for Savannah. :)

Melissa said...

It sounds like it will be a great tribute to this very special day and very, very special girl!
I love that you can picnic at the cemetery on the 4th!!!

I would love to know how you intend to publish your blog posts. I have often thought I should find a way to do them same.


Holly said...

A party make perfect sense to me. I had a big party for Carleigh's first birthday and I'm having a party for her upcoming 2nd birthday. It's not as big as her first though.

I love the idea of the BBQ! And how neat you can watch fireworks at the cemetery!!