What's in a name.

Lately I feel as though I am on a merry-go-round. Round and round I continue to go. I think I have rambled about baby names more than anyone would like to hear, but I can't help but feel agony with settling.

What's in a name anyways? A believe a name can become a personality... it molds and grows with a person... What you do in life, you take your name with you. It's your mark on the world.

I remember being told Savannah didn't need a social security number since she had passed away. I remember what it was like having a birth certificate that boldly stated deceased horizontally across the page. These things, these standard procedures, make a mother feel as though their child, a human being with a name, are insignificant. Just paperwork. A Jane Doe.

There have been times, that when sorting through files, I have run across Savannah's insurance card. And to see her name, that I know we were so meticulous in picking out, brings my heart such warmth. Since she left, I don't have reason to say her name everyday. I don't have reason to talk about her and say her name to people I talk to. I miss her name, for I loved her name so very much.

I want to love Davis' name as much as I loved and long for Savannah's. In something I have learned just in my own experience. I wanted this little boy's name (or girl had he been) to be something that would remind me of Savannah everytime I hear it spoken from someone's lips.

Family and friends weren't too sold on "Savannah" when we finally reached our decision. And this time around they aren't too keen to warm up to the name "Davis." It's so much more than the little one growing and thriving inside me for a mere eight more weeks. To me it is also about the little one that brought "Davis" into existance.

We picked Emmett for the middle name. Had Savannah been a boy, her name would have been Liam Emmett. Another piece of our girl. To hear and remember her by. To know that when the social security administration and county records department see her name as only a deceased person, no longer needed in the system, Savannah Victoria gets to live on in her baby brother...

But I keep second guessing. Is it good enough? Will people ever love his name as much as I do? In the way that I loved Savannah's?

Recently my husband and I came across the name Jax. We loved the spelling, and liked the name. In a casual google name search, I discovered in English it means "God is gracious." To me, yes, Davis is a very gracious gift. But we can hardly get people to want to call our son Davis as a first name, how would we ever get acceptance over Jax?

Come on readers... Davis Emmett or Davis Jax?

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