Friday, October 15, 2010

I wish I didn't know.

{I know that there are only 15days until Halloween.}
October 31st.

{I know there are only 41days until Thanksgiving.}
November 25th.

{I know there are only 65days until Brody's 3rd Birthday.}
December 19th.

{And I know that there are only 71days until Chistmas.}
December 25th.

What I had never known before this year,
was what is aknowledged today...

...Do you? 

October 15th, is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness day. Babies who's mommies loved them but never held them, babies born sleeping, and babies who God only gave to us for a brief moment have their own special day so families can take a day to just, remember you. But not just our babies, ALL babies.

Such a beautiful creation, a baby. A brand new being, still so innocent. Fresh from heaven. So undeserving of a life unlived. But yet still SO deserving. Every single one of these gifts, deserve more than anyone, to be where they are now. Their lives, though short here on earth, were each magical! From every last tear jerking story I have read, there is still strong evidence that God was there, and his plans were and are greater. Our babies never felt heartache. They were never faced with disappointments.

Each one of us mother's whom celebrate this day, carry's a peice of our heart that died. It will never mend. Though it get's easier and less noticable, there will still always be an emptiness. But it is a wonderful and somewhat sad feeling knowing that each one of these miracle stories, all recieved more love in their short time here, whether physically or cradled safely in our womb, than most people recieve in lifetimes.

Tonight I will light a candle for Savannah. Not only to remember her, but to show her looking down at me from heaven, that she will always remain a light in my life......

"Why did you have to go away and leave mommy sad and blue?
I'm right here mommy with you always,
 I really thought you knew.

How come I cannot see you,
or hold you close to me?
You do see me mommy, open your eyes 
and there I'll always be.

I'm the sunrise in the morning
 and the sunset every night.
I'm that star you see,
that's shining o' so bright.

I'm that flower in your yard,
 that bloomed the other day.
I'm the beautiful butterfly,
you stopped and watched me play.

I'm that soft whisper,
you hear when no one's around.
I'm the warmth that heals your heart,
 when you begin to frown.

I'm the colorful rainbow,
that comes after every storm.
I'm always near you mommy,
I just take many different forms.
I'm in each smile you make,
 and each kiss you give away.
I'm apart of you mommy,
in every thought and word you say.

I see the tears you cry for me,
 when I hear you pray.
I wipe them away with my kisses,
and help you make it through each day.

We will forever be together,
 this I know for sure.
God sent me to be with you,
in all that you will endure.

Mommy I wish you could see,
my magical set of wings.
Exquisite soft white feathers,
 made from all of God's loving things.

I wrap them around you, bringing comfort and healing.
As i engulf you let go all of the pain your heart is feeling.

We meet in your dreams,
 holding hand in hand.
We walk down beaches,
 dragging our feet in the sand.

So when your feeling sad and blue and think I'm not right here.
Just look around at all the beautiful things and know I am near."

I can still wish I didn't know what today was...


Nadine said...

Beautiful post sweetie! Keeping all of you precious mommies in my thoughts and prayers and honoring your babies' lives today and always! <3

Wendi@Every Day Miracles said...

So bittersweet...
Because we are who we are {better people} because of our sweet babies who didn't stay. It hurts so deeply, and yet - puts us in a place to reach out to others and encourage in a way we never coul've before them.