Tuesday, January 18, 2011

We are not who we once were.

I read a blog post from a dear friend of mine, whom is also an angel mom to the most beautiful baby boy. She celebrated her 30th birthday, and though seconds, minutes, days, and months have passed since we sent our babies to a place we cannot yet be, she acknowledges that in a moment we can be triggered. "Proceed with Caution" she said.  

"Proceed with Caution." 

This... was the perfect statement.

We stand united. Families who have lost a child. We live in a place, just like our babies, that no one else can be either. This weekend my husband and I were by ourselves. The kids were gone for three entire days, and the time I spent with my husband was heavenly. I forgot some of the things that are always there between us. I love him everyday ofcourse, but in three short days, I was able to fall in love with him again. We spent our evenings enjoying each others company. Uninterrupted. Friday evening we went out to dinner. In an instant, my eyes locked with a beautiful baby boys. No one in the world, other than my husband, can see my world crumble in moments such as these. No one in the world realizes that I notice and glance at every baby that comes into my path these days. No one in the world realizes that simple, "everyday" comments may sounds completely differently to someone who hasn't lost a baby. Unless you have lost a child, you have to walk a little lighter, and tread a little softer than you did once before. You have to make a conscious decision to think sometimes before you speak. "Proceed with Caution."

I may have a baby bassinet that would take up "less space" if it was broken down, and taken apart. This is one of those moments, a "normal" person doesn't stop to think. I'm sorry if the bassinet that was supposed to cradle my Savannah takes up too much space in your eyes. No I am NOT going to take it apart. Period. If I have to keep it in my bedroom the rest of my life then so be it. You may hear a space saving idea.... here is what I hear: Savannah takes up too much space... or time to move on... or it's just furniture.

This is what I have of her. This bassinet... that would save space being taken apart so we can shove it in the back corners, IS what Savannah has left behind.

{Made with love for angel mommies and daddies.}

Visit Tiffany here, and bask in Mr. Julius' heavenly beauty:

Thank you Tiffany,
For showing me it was okay to say this...


Tiffany said...

wow. you are truly amazing. such a moving, touching post. you have helped me to not feel so alone. even when i post something like that on my blog, i feel so isolated in my feelings. and it is nice to know that what i'm experiencing is "normal" {well, let's face it nothing about losing a child is normal, but you know what i mean}.

and of course i can not thank you enough for mentioning my baby boy. ♥ that means the world to me. :)

Jessica said...

It's sad that we have so little of our children. That we have such small things that may mean so little to others but mean SO MUCH to us! You keep that bassinet forever if you must! You are a strong mommy and ever STRONGER for continuing to show your love for your sweet Savannah! I loved your picture and saw it on Tiffany's blog too - I used it on Facebook - I hope that's okay!
Much much much love to you and you keep on telling the world how much you love your little girl! <3

Ember's Mommy said...

<3 wonderful and perfect <3