Friday, January 14, 2011

What do you...?

It has been on my mind the past few days. I haven't shared my "thoughts or feelings" with anyone afraid of the reactions I might get. But I have also been afraid to get the same, "she's just irrational" attitudes.

But in all honesty...

What do you consider murder?...

A gun shot? A knife stab?
Drunk driving and hitting a pedestrian maybe?

...

What about taking your child off of life support?

Suddenly I wonder... was is really the right decison?

My sweet eight day old Savannah. She couldn't make the decision of life for herself. And as her parents when the question was asked, there wasn't any hesitation of what we were going to do. None. Should we have hestitated? Should we have been a little more selfish in our decision? 

I trust that God was with us that night that we said our final goodbyes, but really, have you ever held your child in your arms as he or she passed away? It's bound to stir up this question at some point. Savannah was perfectly fine other than the obvious fact that she couldn't breathe. She was on ECMO. It breathed for her.... Does insurance coverage and obsene amounts of money to sustain life ever truly play a role in life?

This I wonder...  


6 comments:

John and Allie Fields said...

Have I gotten to you with my Mommy Guilt post? STOP IT! You did nothing wrong. Taking someone off life support is not murder. Those machines did all of the work for little Savannah and once you took her off, God then led her way to stay or go. Not you. Never ever think you were in the wrong!!!! God gives us each a purpose and a set time to be here until he brings us back home.

Serenity's Mommy ♥ said...

What you did FOR Savannah was NOT murder. She knows that. As much as I love Savannah, her life would have probably been short has you not taken her off of the ECMO machine. You were faced with the hardest decision ANY parent has ever had to make. Quality of life, or quantity. I know Savannah is thanking you for it, because without you and her daddy making that very hard decision, she never would have had the privilege to meet Jesus. I know my comment probably won't help as this is just one of the stages of grief taking over, but I love you and this is my honest to goodness opinion. <3

Ember's Mommy said...

Oooh hun, I dont know what to say but I wanted you to know I DO read your posts and am thinking of you. Dont regret decisions made with love.

<3 <3 <3

Wendi@Every Day Miracles said...

I know. I've thought it before too. We had both sides of the coin with Joshua and Caleb. With Caleb we were given the option to remove him from life support. WE KNEW he was still fighting. With Joshua, we knew that he was pretty much already gone. Major organs had shut down. His kidneys hadn't functioned for 3 days. There was a knowing there. But Even though we had that knowing, I still have my moments, for sure. What if...?

The Martha Complex said...

I hate what if's.

I know it's hard, but try not to question. I do belive that God has given everyone a purpose and already determined amount of time to live. Sadly, if it was in his will for her to live longer she would have... and I hate saying that. It sounds so unfair and so sad. :(

Again, I am sorry for your pain. I will remember to say a prayer for you tonight. :) :hugs:

Charis said...

i agree with above comments in that God could have done an eleventh hour miracle and yet it didn't happen. He took her home. you are a good mommy for even asking the question but remember that God is the one who held her in His hands from the very beginning and He still does. i understand the questions and struggle though. i hope God fills your heart with peace even with unanswered questions.