Another month has come and gone. Seems like the further we get from your physical presence the quicker the time speeds up. This morning, as usual on the countdown to your first birthday, I posted on Facebook that you were ten months old. I had mistakenly confused you with your close heavenly friend, Serenity. She recently turned ten months old. Earth time that is.
Of course every mother knows how old their child is. It is a motherly force. After all, we were the ones who brought each one of you into the world. There isn't anything that can tear away our memories of your special deliveries. Your birth days. But in a moment of chaos with the life your mommy still leads, I actually had to think of how old you would be now.
I know there isn't a day that you don't watch me, your daddy, and your brothers and sister from heaven. I know that you are content and your new everlasting life is filled with joy and pure happiness. And because of this, I also know that you don't want my days to be filled with anything but the same. And though your absence will always remain my Savannah, my days and thoughts are not consumed with heartache over you. My days are filled with joy and happiness.
You have blessed my life with your brief stay, and through your short life you have managed to bring me some wonderful friends, whom I'm sure you are friends with the babies that their lives are missing as well. It is through them that I have been able to let you go more and more each and every day. Now as I live, knowing and experiencing life without you, I cannot imagine my life before I met them. So thank you.
I asked daddy yesterday on way to church, how someone can believe in heaven without believing in God. His answer was simple. And very honest. He said,
"You cannot believe in Heaven without believing in Hell.
And you cannot believe in Creation without a Creator.
Heaven is a source of comfort to people when there is nothing
else for them to grab, so they try to grasp at anything
that may sound good. It doesn't mean they understand,
or truly believe in God's promises of Heaven."
Your daddy is one smart guy Savannah. (And we have always let him think so! Heehee.) I know that you are safe in Heaven. The actual place heaven, not just the theory or word of healing, Heaven. I trust, and I know that I will hold you after my final breath. I don't know how long my life may last, but I know that for you, in heaven, you will never be left feeling alone for long. You already know, that your mommy and daddy WILL be with you in Heaven someday.
I love you, whether you are nine months old or 90 years old. Even when my days pass without you as a permanent thought in my mind... Always and forever,