Time.

There comes a point in time that we all move forward. No matter where we've been, or where our destination might be. Our lives are always a forward motion. And this forward motion is the same for mommy's who have lost little ones near and dear to their soul. One year ago tomorrow marks the day, I sat down to tell Savannah's story. That I put everything we had witness, that we had watched, into perspective. Little did I know her little life would go on to touch many. And I knew the year ahead of me would be like one I would never had experienced before. It wasn't. There were good days and bad days. There were nights where her presence was all around, and days where her memory wasn't in the front of my mind. I dedicated a year to my grief. To try and describe my journey through infant loss. Through heartache. Most days, when I sat to write I didn't actually believe that someone out there was reading. But there are those of you who did. And who have commented. And who have left deep footprints in my heart.

The year came and passed, quicker than Savannah's short visit into our lives. I have a hard time believing it has really been that long. That four seasons have changed since we last saw her pretty face. But though it seems like yesterday, our days are not as centered around the missing piece to our family puzzle, and I know that Fraser life has continued in its very own, forward motion.

For almost a month now, all three of the kids have been working their little brains learning; growing; thriving. As I've mentioned before, we are homeschooling this year. There was a lot of talking, discussing, and praying that went into this decision. But ultimately, Koady and I both felt it was right, and that we were called to do it. So far I would say, three weeks into it, I myself, am still trying to get into the swing of things. With adding "teacher" to my ever growing titles, I wonder to myself, where time to breathe might appear. As I see each of my friends drying teary eyes, and tucking lunches into character decorated backpacks, I can't help but question my sanity. Maybe it is because I yet to know personally, other mothers who have taken the full fledged dive into homeschooling. But despite those moments of "what ever was I thinking," I still feel that the decision to educate my children is best for our family.

I am hoping to start including our school time into my "life unfolding," but we will save that for a time where I am feeling a teensy weensy bit more organized. Which is not right now, considering the clock is ticking closer and closer to 10pm as we speak...

Which if you think I am one crazy brave lady to dedicate my time to homeschool, {and cleaning, raising, budgeting, errand running, cooking, and washing...} then don't forget this is all wrapped around my fifth pregnancy and weekly doctors appointments. Hmm... when am I finding time to breathe??

A Story Unfolding will be undergoing some changes in the near future... As we move forward.

Thank you all for continuing on this journey with us.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.

Well Savannah,

We made it. Twelve months have come and gone since they day we met you, and we met your tragedy. And though yes, your condition was a tragedy, your life was anything but. In the past twelve months, I have learned more about life than I have gained on my own. I have learned that though living without you is hard, some days seems unbearable, your mommies heart keeps beating. No matter what I always take in another breath of air. I, along with many other mommies out there, have proven that even when trials seem unbearable, we live through them.

This past year has gone faster than I could have ever imagined. I still receive emails updating me on your current development. Could you possibly be walking already if you were here? This we will never know.

I think of today my sweet little one, as a sigh of relief kind of day. I've learned what the years are going to be like without you here in my arms. I've smiled through the holidays as my heart was breaking, and now today I know what it feels like to look back at your birth. A few nights ago when we celebrated at your party, it was different than today. Today is a day of remembrance. A day of reflection. I remember those final moments of Savannah and mommy. I remember the last few hours of your wiggles and movements. And as vivid as if I were in that day all over, I remember your entrance into the world.

I remember how quickly you were delivered. How PERFECT and beautiful you were. You are. And then the deep purple you turned when you weren't able to take the breath you needed to sustain your precious life. In an instant, you were destined for so much.

The past year, you haven't only changed mommy and daddies life, but you Savannah, were like a tiny ripple in the still waters. And your life, and your love reached out and touched many. Those we know, and those we don't. Your daddy and I are so very blessed to be able to call you ours.

I love you little one. Years will never change this. And I hope, no matter what, you know just how strong that love really is.

Always yours,
Always,

-Mommy

One month till One. Forever Eight Days.

Savannah,

Eleven months of letters have officially come and past. In one short month you would have turned one. I can't begin to explain to people how this feels. How can it be possible that you have almost grown into a toddler, though in our lives you will forever remain a mere eight days old. Never bigger in our physical eyes. Never older. Never changing. Your pictures, all 354 of them, will always stay the same. Granted we live in the days of digital photography, if I were to print a picture, in 60years, that is the only way I will be able to watch you age at all... The edges may wilt, the colors may fade. The only clear reminder of time and distance between us.

Tonight, as it's one of your sister's favorite songs, we sat down and listened to your song once again. I've probably heard it a million times, but it is one song I don't think I will ever tire of hearing. It has been awhile since I've listened to it though, and the words will always bring me close to you. Whether I am 11months away from you or 11years. The song represents your daddy and my eight short but beautiful days with you. I did not write those words. And as much as it speaks to a mother, saying goodbye to her daughter, I wish so much I could have been involved with the ones who wrote it. I am sure you have met baby Audrey, the one that the song was solely intended for, but oh how I thank her mommy for finding the strength to write those words, because so many mothers grasp onto that song, knowing with all their faith and might, that through our pain and grief, our babies are so much better off. So much. So Savannah, I want you to know,

There were photographs I wanted to take. 

{Your growth, birthdays, life.}

Things I wanted to show you.

{Beauty, happiness, life.}

Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes,

Who could love you like this?

People say that I am brave but I am not.

Truth is I'm barely hanging on.

But there's a greater story,

written long before me.

Because He loves you like this.

I will carry you, while your heart beats here.

Long beyond the empty cradle,

through the coming years.

I will carry you.

All my life.

I will praise the one who's chosen

ME to carry YOU.

{Mommy & Savannah}

If I could have it my way little one, I wouldn't spend a moment more so far away from you. But I know that your brothers, sister, and the new little one to follow in your footsteps need me more right now. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but I know that you were chosen for a special reason. And for that reason, I will trust that you will never feel lonely without me. Until I can get there sweetheart. I love you. I still miss you. "If sometimes is always, then I only miss you sometimes."

-Mommy

Double Digits.

Savannah Victoria,

How I love to say your name. We've made it. Or atleast I can say I've made it. You have officially left the early months. Today you would be 10months old. How is it possible for time without you to go by as fast, if not faster, than if you were here? Summertime is here with us now. I can picture you standing now. Probably walking since all of your ambitious siblings started walking this early as well. You would be dressed so sweetly. Sun dresses, and bright colored skirts. Of course, your fat little toes would stick out of a new pair of sandals. There's so much I feel you missing. Though I know you are not missing these things, just I am. It's just me missing out on seeing you experience a new world out there. Picnics, and lake swims. Fresh cut grass, feeling too creepy for you to stand, and sucking on your very first popsicle, all the while you drool most of it all over yourself. Your smile would be filled with precious pearly white teeth now, and your shoulders and chubby legs would be kissed by the sunshine above.
But you are not here... To touch, see, and smell these things in the same way we can. I have moved forward through three full seasons without you here. And looking back, I don't know how I did it. How can any body survive a loss as great as you Savannah? This is do not know. But I'm here, and I made it this far. And I will continue on without you all of the days of my life.
Last night, I cried to daddy over leaving your name behind. A new baby will be welcomed, and I've heard so many people say that new baby's are just replacements for the baby who died. But it isn't. And they aren't. My tears last night were proof of this. We have baby names picked out already. Each middle name in honor of your life, our memories of you. But no matter what name we choose. That name will never be yours. I hate only hearing your beautiful, strong name in past tense. Through death. Through a headstone. I want to speak YOUR name everyday. I want to greet you every morning with a good morning Savannah. I want to get mad at you. I want to say your name in frustration. Savannah Victoria! I want to tell you, Savannah No, everytime your curiosity gets the best of you. But it is your name. It will always be your name. And it is the perfect name for you to carry through heaven with. I hope you love your name as much as we do. I will always love your name with all of my heart. I will always love you with every beat of my heart. A mother's love is overwhelming. When I think of you, even in the eight days you were mine, I can hardly catch my breath. My heart will always beat a little differently now that you are gone. My Savannah. Savannah Victoria. Oh how I love your name.

-Mommy 

Another month passes.

Dear Savannah,

Another month has come and gone. Seems like the further we get from your physical presence the quicker the time speeds up. This morning, as usual on the countdown to your first birthday, I posted on Facebook that you were ten months old. I had mistakenly confused you with your close heavenly friend, Serenity. She recently turned ten months old. Earth time that is.

Of course every mother knows how old their child is. It is a motherly force. After all, we were the ones who brought each one of you into the world. There isn't anything that can tear away our memories of your special deliveries. Your birth days. But in a moment of chaos with the life your mommy still leads, I actually had to think of how old you would be now.

I know there isn't a day that you don't watch me, your daddy, and your brothers and sister from heaven. I know that you are content and your new everlasting life is filled with joy and pure happiness. And because of this, I also know that you don't want my days to be filled with anything but the same. And though your absence will always remain my Savannah, my days and thoughts are not consumed with heartache over you. My days are filled with joy and happiness.

You have blessed my life with your brief stay, and through your short life you have managed to bring me some wonderful friends, whom I'm sure you are friends with the babies that their lives are missing as well. It is through them that I have been able to let you go more and more each and every day. Now as I live, knowing and experiencing life without you, I cannot imagine my life before I met them. So thank you.

I asked daddy yesterday on way to church, how someone can believe in heaven without believing in God. His answer was simple. And very honest. He said,

"You cannot believe in Heaven without believing in Hell.

And you cannot believe in Creation without a Creator.

Heaven is a source of comfort to people when there is nothing

else for them to grab, so they try to grasp at anything

that may sound good. It doesn't mean they understand, 

or truly believe in God's promises of Heaven."

Your daddy is one smart guy Savannah. (And we have always let him think so! Heehee.) I know that you are safe in Heaven. The actual place heaven, not just the theory or word of healing, Heaven. I trust, and I know that I will hold you after my final breath. I don't know how long my life may last, but I know that for you, in heaven, you will never be left feeling alone for long. You already know, that your mommy and daddy WILL be with you in Heaven someday.

I love you, whether you are nine months old or 90 years old. Even when my days pass without you as a permanent thought in my mind... Always and forever,

-Mommy

Growing away from my very eyes.

My sweet little one,

Your eight month mark falls a day short of Easter this year. Every month that passes I am greeted with the familiar feeling of, "wow I can't believe you would be that old now."

Easter and Christmas are mommies favorite holidays. And though I wished I could hold you through out your first Christmas, and even though I wish you could crawl right through our Easter Sunday celebrations tomorrow, I am so thankful for these holidays. These holidays, though they are filled with your void, remind me so much of the promise of where you are... why you are there...

Tomorrow morning, Savannah, please hug Him for me. Tell Him I shed tears over His tragic death. But I shed tears for the hope we have because He stood again. Every year Easter reminds mommy of all He sacrificed for us. This year... the tears fall because it means even more to my heart. Granted we will be with you again someday baby girl... mommy, daddy, and your brothers and sister are still here. This year for Easter, Christ's blood was spilled so you sweetheart, would feel no more pain. So your lungs could be filled with His sweet life. There are no more teary eyes, or medical hurdles you have to cross. All because of His cross.

I miss you little girl. Have the best Easter ever. Know that my heart will be with you tomorrow.

-Mommy

213 Days.

Savannah girl,

I did the math today. It has been officially 213days since we were breath taken with your beauty. I'm not going to lie to you, this month I am at a loss for words. I've been trying to figure out just what to say to you. I know a day doesn't pass without you understanding the magnitude of our love for you. I know a day doesn't pass that you aren't by our side, whispering to us, "don't miss me, I am always here." 

There is a lady whom makes bears for mommies who are broken hearted. These bears weigh the exact amount that your baby did when they were born. So in those moments when our motherly arms feel empty, in my case, a 6lbs. 2oz. baby girl, we can hold our teddy bear. I can hold you. It is a wonderful gift, and though I haven't received my Savannah Bear yet, I cannot begin to imagine what it will feel like to really get to hold you. They come personalized to what you remember your baby by. We are on the waiting list, and I imagine it is going to be awhile before we get to hold you once more.

I was watching your big brother walk down the stairs last night. As he came around the landing and entered the living room, I saw you. I'm sure to anyone that sounds crazy. I remember just how Sarah was when she was seven months old. Crawling. Pulling herself up. Curious about everything. Fascinated with mommy, and the things she would do. There you were, looking so much like big sister. The very same precious white teeth. That glorious smile, only a little shyer being you were leaning over the bottom stair to look up at me. Looking so much like the 7month old little girl I fawned over once before...

 {Missing this.}

Someday, when I come to be with you again, I know that little person I got a glimpse at the other night will be peeking around the corner looking for her mommy. Just waiting for me. As if nothing else ever existed.

Seven months old Savannah. I'm sure it is astonishing.
All my love, hugs, and mommy kisses.

-Mommy

Growing in my heart.

My sweet six month old, though forever eight day old baby girl,

There are not words for a day like today...

I miss you.

I love you.

I think that sums it all up. Six words... My feelings for you.... Six months later.

Here we are.
Six months later.
The clock continues to move seconds, minutes, and hours 

from when we first saw you.

I waited for you, nine long months. 

You grew you in my tummy, yes.
But since you couldn’t stay,
I grew you in my heart as well.

I cannot grasp that six months have come and gone since you briefly said hello.
I cannot believe that life is “without you” from here on out.
There are days, that I know you are only six feet away from me,
At your final resting place.

Is it normal to want one last moment with you?
Is it normal to want dark brown earth under my fingernails,

just to see that delicate pink box only once more?
Can someone prove to me that this reality does exist?

A childhood playground should never be headstones and flowers.
But it is in this case.
Because we will visit you.
And this is our normal.

Our hearts beat differently now.
We will live forever in void till we can see you once more.
Our memories we hold close.
Our tears you hold closer.

Missing you.
It just doesn’t make sense to me.
It is much deeper than that...

Now your absence grows in my heart as well.

Your still with us.

Hello again Savannah,

Not much time passes between moments everyday that I speak to you. And then ofcourse there is my traditional once a month letter to you.

Your absence is a part of our life. We live with it, and we have no choice. But that doesn't mean we don't love and miss you. Like I mentioned already, almost half a year?! Impossible considering it feels like you filled my empty arms only yesterday.

Four days ago, a young man came to our house to fix a faucet on our water cooler. He came into the house, and since I see your beautiful face everyday proudly displayed on our walls it's not surprising to me. After he fixed what was broken and left, it dawned on me. He glanced at your picture. He tried not to stare. I sat thinking to myself, never in my life had I experienced a picture like yours. I was sheltered to the fact that not all babies are healthy and vibrant. Did this water home delivery man, wonder, "what's their story?" Was his eyes opened to the fact that these families missing a little piece of something beautiful, live among us? All around us?

Sometimes I wonder, how many times in my life did I stand in line at the grocery store next to one of these fathers or mothers, who said our same sad goodbye?

Our family is not the same without you. Don't fret though little one, we are okay. We miss you still, and always will. Mommy and daddy hope to give you a baby brother or sister very soon. I want you to know that we are not trying to replace you. I know, when I hold my "rainbow" baby sometime in the future, I will not be able to look into their eyes, without seeing your beautiful face. Your earthly presence will be here. While your spiritual presence always has been.

I love you sweet girl.  While Jesus rocks you in His arms, tell Him to sing you "our" lullaby. The one I sang everynight to Brody, while you were still here with me.

Until we meet again...
And I've already been waiting five months,


-Mommy

Well, hello stranger.

Christmas 2010 was another glorious holiday at the Fraser household. There was much magic, much happiness, and many blessings to be had. It was a day filled with family and warmth. Presents and yummy food. Children's eyes twinkling in sparkling papers and bows. And it left us all too quickly...

{Christmas Eve... Our Presents!}

 {Savannah Bear}
{From: Grammy Darla & Auntie Stacy}

{Savannah's Ornaments}

 {Savannah's Stocking}

Savannah received many beautiful letters this year. When I first asked people to send her a letter for her stocking, my husband told me not to get my hopes up. I tried not to. In the end I realize that those whom sent letters, are the ones who matter. I was surprised at those who didn't... but God just shows you the lights in your life through simple gestures of love such as this. {Thanks to Wendi & Katelyn. "Auntie Sarah, Uncle Shawn, and Baby Cousin Hailey." "Grandma"/Mom. Auntie Terri & Harvey. Great Auntie Mil, & Nana. Ali, Samantha, and Uncle Nate & Auntie Desi.} All of these people... all of these sweet souls, are the ones who remember Savannah four months after she has left us. These are my dear family and friends who took a few minutes to sit down this Christmas and share some of the magic through their feelings in their "letters to heaven." 

2010 has come and passed. Last night as I lay in bed at 12:00, listening to everyone celebrating the embark on a new year, I couldn't help but feel a little sad. I do not want to say goodbye to 2010. So many beautiful things happend in 2010...

We found out we were pregnant.

We moved into our new home.

We bought our new car.

We found out we were having a GIRL!

Sarah & Michael learned how

to swim!

Mommy took swimming lessons

with Brody, VERY pregnant.

He dropped out. (Haha!)

Sarah & Michael started school.

SAVANNAH WAS BORN!!!

We made many new friends

with the loved ones at UC Davis.

Savannah passed away.

We held our very first funeral.

Koady's mom visited from Kentucky.

My mom stayed with us for a month.

And many many, life long memories.

Why would I ever want to say goodbye to this???

But since 2010 is already a piece of our history, and we will all be getting used to signing everything with "11" now, I guess this is my goodbye... and this is my Hello to 2011. Nice to meet you stanger... what do you have in store? I have many new years resolutions to come...

Merry Christmas Savannah.

My sweet Savannah,

Four months old already? Seems like just yesterday I was in shock and awe over the idea of you being three months old. The past month has been filled with the usual hustle and bustle, and I think that has sped up time around here for mommy and daddy.

Every Christmas preparation has included a thought of you and your beautiful little face. Sarah, Michael, and Brody all anticipate Santa's arrival, and there are three little gifts under the tree to each of them just from you! I know you would want them to feel your love from heaven. We really do feel it everyday.

Last night, I stood outside on our back porch. It was a clear and glowing night. The stars twinkled above me, and the full moon gleamed it's radiance down upon my face. I took a deep breath, and filled my lungs with crisp very cold December air. It smelled so good. It smelled as though there wasn't a stressful thing in the world. It was just "that moment." Such a perfect evening could only be given to my heart from you in that very moment. 

You stocking will be filled with many letters this year. I write to you every month, but this will give everyone a chance to sit down and fill the arms of angels with love to be delivered to you baby.

Your still in my thoughts and heart everyday sweet girl. Mommy has a letter for your stocking too! 

Merry Christmas Savannah.

What a lucky girl you are.

-Mommy

Growing up so fast!

My dearest Savannah,

You are becoming such a big girl! Where has the time gone that it has been three months since you were welcomed into our world. I've always said that once you have children time really does speed up. Your brothers and sisters left their baby years behind all too quickly as well. But when you've lost a baby? When I gave you back to the Lord Savannah, time has gone by even more quickly than I remember. Seems like just yesterday I held you in my arms for the first and last time. Oh how I wish I could hold you once more...

Thanksgiving is day after tomorrow! Your first major holiday. I thought Halloween was hard since before you were born I would ask daddy about what he thought you should dress up as. But Thanksgiving? All of the family is gathering together, but our family? Our family will be short by one. We are going to Grammy's this year, and celebrating it with your aunts, uncles, and cousins. As I think about going, I imagine what this holiday would be like if you were here with us. Getting you dressed up in your finest little outfit. {Probably matching sister, since I have always wanted to do that with two girls.} Packing a diaper bag filled with everything that would get us through the afternoon and evening away. Arriving, and having Grammy steal you from my arms and spoil you with her love. Dipping my finger in the mashed potatoes and gravy and chuckling at the face you might make at the new taste. 

My favorite holiday, Christmas, is right around the corner. Savannah, you would have grown up with the same love! I can't imagine how wonderful your  Christmas will be getting to spend it with Christ himself. Ask Him for me, if he can show you some of the wonderful things that goes with the holiday. Baking cookies, sipping hot chocolate, decorating a tree... basking in the glow of magical light decoations. I know He would do that for you. After all, I know how much He loves you!

I wrote out my Christmas letters this week Savannah. I included you. You will always be apart of our family precious girl!

I spent time in your room the other night, sweetpea. And being I've been listening to Christmas music lately, I imagined rocking you and singing Christmas lullabyes as I've done with each of your brothers and sister. And since you can't be here for me to rock and sing to you, I am sending my favorite Christmas song up to heaven...

Happy Three Months Savannah.
All my love,

-Mommy

c Silent night.... Holy night. c

All is calm. All is bright.

Round yon Virgin, Mother and Child.

Holy Infant, so tender and mild.

Sleep in heavenly peace...

Sleep in heavenly peace.

c Silent night... Holy night. c

 Son of God, Love's pure light.

Radiant beams from Thy holy face.

With the dawn of redeeming grace.

Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth...

Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth.

c Silent night. Holy night. c
Shepherds quake, at the sight.
Glories stream from heaven afar.
Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia.
Christ the Savior is born...
Christ the Savior is born.

This is what it feels like to be loved.

A sweet friend of mine, wrote this poem for Savannah.

I loved it, and I love her....

I just had to share it with you.

PRECIOUS BEAUTIFUL ANGEL

Oh precious Little Angel

Who was sent from up above

You are greatly missed

You are deeply Loved

We miss you Beautiful Angel

Down here on Earth

But the Lord had other Plans

8 Days from your Earthly Birth

You brought so much Love Joy & Pleasure

To those who cared for you

You are such a Blessing

To Many Not just a few

From your Mommy & Daddy

Into Jesus arms you were released

Knowing you are with Him

Has given them so much Peace

Because their Love for You

Is so True

They would do it All over again

WITH YOU

November 11th, 2010

Tina Candela ã

An uncles love.

This is a paper that my brother wrote for his English Literature class, shortly after Savannah passed. It means so much to me, and it is so beautiful I had to share it. Enjoy~

Lamentations of August

Where did you go, Little One

You’ve only just arrived

I step out into the soft and empty night

The moon is low

And hangs just above the darkened rooftops

Half of it is missing

Much the same as my grieving heart

I do not pretend to understand this, Little One

For I am selfish

And much of me wishes to keep you here

I was roused from my bed to hear only my name

The rest was unspoken and I knew of my own accord

“No!” I said, before the voice could continue

“Momma don’t tell me that” I manage, nearly choking on the words

But you had already left us, Little One

And there was nothing I could do

Your time here was all too brief

But who am I to judge

And in your precious few days upon this Earth

You were able to experience much

For instance, Love – unconditional love

And Prayer – unbounding prayer that circled the entire globe

Sadly, some live long without ever having had either

So I bid you a safe journey home, Little One

Though I will feel your absence always

Perhaps my dear Savannah

You were very aptly named

Greek Mythology refers to Heaven as the Fields of Elysium

A final resting place for the souls of the heroic and virtuous

Most assuredly you are both

Please take care of yourself, Little One

I beseech you to fancy childish romps through golden treeless fields

Live every moment in a way that you never could here with us

Can you feel the Sun’s warmth upon your face

The soft soil between your toes

The flowing breeze in your hair

Can you hear the rustle of the fields, as they sway to and fro

Wait for me, Little One

And I will see you when my work here is done.

Nathaniel W. A. Caeton ã  

Hello again.

Good Morning Savannah,


Today is your two month anniversary! {Yep, I am still counting. Don't you think I'll ever stop!} The fall weather has finally graced us with it's presence. I woke today with the grey clouds and pitter patter of rain drops outside.


Just another way I will always think of you. Today feels like the day of your funeral. Amazing that it rained that day!


I still miss you sweet heart. I think of you playing in heaven periodically throughout the days. I'm sure your life is so happy now. I can't wait to meet you there someday!


I've slowed down with talking about you now. {Except here ofcourse.} Daddy and I go places and no one ever brings up your name. I think they worry about our reaction. Or they just don't know what to say. I don't wanna stop talking about you though. I want every one to continue bringing you up in conversation. But, I know I have to realize that everyone else in the world didn't know you like your daddy and I do. I still talk to daddy though. We love you, and your pictures will always remain in the frames on our walls. You are always going to be a big part of our family. I don't think daddy will ever get tired of hearing your name.


I returned some of your things Savannah. I hope you understand. All of your outfits are still hanging on their little pink hangers in your closet though. I am getting so anxious about seeing your headstone! I can't stand the fact that your grave site is so bare without it.


I hope the sweater and cotton tights that mommy, daddy, and grandma picked for you are keeping you warm pretty girl. Two months old already. Where has the time gone? A good friend of mommies told her that you are timeless now. I love that... I love you. Just wanted to remind you Savannah. 


Hugs and kisses sent up to heaven. See you in my dreams...


-Mommy 

Dearest little one:

To my precious guardian angel~


A month has gone by since the first day I laid my eyes on your beautiful little soul. A month ago today, you officially became mine. A month ago today, you were still mine.


I guess we have both accomplished more milestones than the baby books normally account for at one month of age.


Have I told you lately that I miss you? That not a moment goes by that I don't think of you or love you unconditionally?


Savannah, I must thank you. You're eight short days here with mommy and daddy have changed my life. You have offered me life lessons, I couldn't have gottan had you not shown me otherwise. You story has already brought awareness for other mommies out there about CDH. You're still moving mountains, and you aren't physically here with us. You have started to change the world.


I wonder about how wonderful your days must be now. How lucky you are to be in the grace of our heavenly father. Thank him for us during the moments we can't...


Please don't forget us little one. We could never forget you. You have left deep footprints on our hearts, and I will be with you again someday.


I wish everyone could meet you precious girl. You were so gorgeous, and such a fiesty little thing. I know all of the people who prayed for you would love you that much more! No one could ever love you as much as your mommy though. But I am sure you already knew that before I ever told you. We will always have a bond, even though you aren't here with me any longer. We had such fun together during the nine months we spent together, being inseparable...  I will remember and cherish those times always.


I know that you are with me at all times, and you know what I am thinking before it ever leaves my lips... I can feel you at times. So I know I didn't loose you, I just had to give you back to someone who loves you more. There are things that remind me of you daily. My little treasures.


I love you my sweet sweet girl.


-Mommy