Saturday, July 23, 2011

One month till One. Forever Eight Days.


Eleven months of letters have officially come and past. In one short month you would have turned one. I can't begin to explain to people how this feels. How can it be possible that you have almost grown into a toddler, though in our lives you will forever remain a mere eight days old. Never bigger in our physical eyes. Never older. Never changing. Your pictures, all 354 of them, will always stay the same. Granted we live in the days of digital photography, if I were to print a picture, in 60years, that is the only way I will be able to watch you age at all... The edges may wilt, the colors may fade. The only clear reminder of time and distance between us.

Tonight, as it's one of your sister's favorite songs, we sat down and listened to your song once again. I've probably heard it a million times, but it is one song I don't think I will ever tire of hearing. It has been awhile since I've listened to it though, and the words will always bring me close to you. Whether I am 11months away from you or 11years. The song represents your daddy and my eight short but beautiful days with you. I did not write those words. And as much as it speaks to a mother, saying goodbye to her daughter, I wish so much I could have been involved with the ones who wrote it. I am sure you have met baby Audrey, the one that the song was solely intended for, but oh how I thank her mommy for finding the strength to write those words, because so many mothers grasp onto that song, knowing with all their faith and might, that through our pain and grief, our babies are so much better off. So much. So Savannah, I want you to know,

There were photographs I wanted to take. 
{Your growth, birthdays, life.}
Things I wanted to show you.
{Beauty, happiness, life.}
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes,
Who could love you like this?

People say that I am brave but I am not.
Truth is I'm barely hanging on.

But there's a greater story,
written long before me.
Because He loves you like this.

I will carry you, while your heart beats here.
Long beyond the empty cradle,
through the coming years.

I will carry you.
All my life.

I will praise the one who's chosen
ME to carry YOU.
{Mommy & Savannah}

If I could have it my way little one, I wouldn't spend a moment more so far away from you. But I know that your brothers, sister, and the new little one to follow in your footsteps need me more right now. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but I know that you were chosen for a special reason. And for that reason, I will trust that you will never feel lonely without me. Until I can get there sweetheart. I love you. I still miss you. "If sometimes is always, then I only miss you sometimes."



Jennifer said...

Thinking about you Megan! It is so true that "their" songs do bring us closer in a sense to them. Hugs!

John and Allie Fields said...

Sending you a big hug.

Auntie said...

love you

Holly said...

Sending love to you as her day approaches. The days leading up can be tough.