Thursday, June 23, 2011

Double Digits.

Savannah Victoria,

How I love to say your name. We've made it. Or atleast I can say I've made it. You have officially left the early months. Today you would be 10months old. How is it possible for time without you to go by as fast, if not faster, than if you were here? Summertime is here with us now. I can picture you standing now. Probably walking since all of your ambitious siblings started walking this early as well. You would be dressed so sweetly. Sun dresses, and bright colored skirts. Of course, your fat little toes would stick out of a new pair of sandals. There's so much I feel you missing. Though I know you are not missing these things, just I am. It's just me missing out on seeing you experience a new world out there. Picnics, and lake swims. Fresh cut grass, feeling too creepy for you to stand, and sucking on your very first popsicle, all the while you drool most of it all over yourself. Your smile would be filled with precious pearly white teeth now, and your shoulders and chubby legs would be kissed by the sunshine above.
But you are not here... To touch, see, and smell these things in the same way we can. I have moved forward through three full seasons without you here. And looking back, I don't know how I did it. How can any body survive a loss as great as you Savannah? This is do not know. But I'm here, and I made it this far. And I will continue on without you all of the days of my life.
Last night, I cried to daddy over leaving your name behind. A new baby will be welcomed, and I've heard so many people say that new baby's are just replacements for the baby who died. But it isn't. And they aren't. My tears last night were proof of this. We have baby names picked out already. Each middle name in honor of your life, our memories of you. But no matter what name we choose. That name will never be yours. I hate only hearing your beautiful, strong name in past tense. Through death. Through a headstone. I want to speak YOUR name everyday. I want to greet you every morning with a good morning Savannah. I want to get mad at you. I want to say your name in frustration. Savannah Victoria! I want to tell you, Savannah No, everytime your curiosity gets the best of you. But it is your name. It will always be your name. And it is the perfect name for you to carry through heaven with. I hope you love your name as much as we do. I will always love your name with all of my heart. I will always love you with every beat of my heart. A mother's love is overwhelming. When I think of you, even in the eight days you were mine, I can hardly catch my breath. My heart will always beat a little differently now that you are gone. My Savannah. Savannah Victoria. Oh how I love your name.

-Mommy 


5 comments:

The Martha Complex said...

Beautuful post.

& I love the name too. :)

:hugs:

Gina Toothe said...

Savannah<3

John and Allie Fields said...

I don't think I will ever hear the name Savannah, be it geographically or another little girl's name, and not think of the sweetest Savannah there is. It warms my heart and puts my soul at ease every time. Just like every time I see a giraffe...

Mary said...

Beautiful...hugs momma!

Holly said...

New babies def are not replacements and never will be. Those mommas who have lost know that.