Saturday, July 2, 2011

Timeless memories.

A different love. That is what I described having another baby will be like. Not more. Not greater. But different. Every moment spent pregnant this time around, are spent in a constant state of Savannah. Oh how another beautiful life, can make me miss another life so.

Today, marks 10 weeks of this pregnancy. As rough as it started, and we were not sure if this pregnancy would continue, I am so happy to share, everything is fine. I've had four ultrasounds since I started bleeding, and not only is baby progressing well, the Subchorionic Hemorrhage is almost completely dissolved! Baby to be has a healthy heartbeat of 171, and we are moving forward to so many in depth plans on constant prenatal care and attention. My doctors this time around are Dr. Perry of over 30years experience, and Dr. Nina Boe. Perinatologist of one of the dearest places to my heart. UC Davis. Although, I will still be delivering here in the same hospital Savannah entered our life at, from first hand experience, there isn't a hospital that comforts me more than Davis. And having a specialist with her hand in my pregnancy, I know that there isn't greater care I can be in.

So far this pregnancy will be high maintenance. I begin weekly appointments at 15weeks. I go in for genetic screening July 20th, for a Nuchal Translucency Ultrasound, followed by a level II ultrasound towards the end of August.

I have to be honest, today, being 10weeks pregnant, sets my nerves on edge... I now have a baby growing and thriving inside of me, with either a formed or unformed diaphragm. What ever the future result holds for us, it is already set in stone. This week begins the process where all of the organs begin to really grow and mature. Today's knowledge of CDH, brings me back to the most horrible feeling I've ever had to experience. The look of a human being as they suffocate before your very eyes. The colors that you cannot imagine a person turning. I don't want to witness such a thing ever again...

And I miss her. Her eyes. Her smell. Her dry skin, that was still oh so soft. Her capabilities of glaring at doctors and nurses as a brand new person. Her ensemble of girly socks. Her fingers tightly wrapped around mine.

Nine months is too long to wait to meet someone that your heart already loves and longs for so much...


Anonymous said...

Oh what a journey to be carrying another child after the loss of child. We have recently found out we are pregnant after having lost our daughter 5 months ago. I am posting this anonymous since I have not yet announced to many people that we are pregnant. I am so excited and scared at the same time.
I agree with you when you said "a different love," that is so true. Thank you for being so honest.
I have to say that I am thankful that there are so many other BLM that are pregnant with their rainbow baby right now. It lets me feel connected and comforted at the same time.
I will be praying for you, that precious little one growing inside you and your family through this time.
I can't wait until the day that we decide to share with everyone that we too are expecting.

Holly said...

So early on in the womb our babies' futures are sealed. But no matter what they are so loved.

Caroline said...

Praying for you. I carried a rainbow baby and I can relate to that different kind of love.

charis said...

praying for you - i can't imagine the anticipation and nerves you must feel this whole pregnancy.

my recent post: want to know what i have been reading?