Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Growing in my heart.

My sweet six month old, though forever eight day old baby girl,

There are not words for a day like today...

I miss you.
I love you.

I think that sums it all up. Six words... My feelings for you.... Six months later.

Here we are.
Six months later.
The clock continues to move seconds, minutes, and hours 
from when we first saw you.

I waited for you, nine long months. 
You grew you in my tummy, yes.
But since you couldn’t stay,
I grew you in my heart as well.

I cannot grasp that six months have come and gone since you briefly said hello.
I cannot believe that life is “without you” from here on out.
There are days, that I know you are only six feet away from me,
At your final resting place.

Is it normal to want one last moment with you?
Is it normal to want dark brown earth under my fingernails,
just to see that delicate pink box only once more?
Can someone prove to me that this reality
does exist?

A childhood playground should never be headstones and flowers.
But it is in this case.
Because we will visit you.
And this is
our normal.

Our hearts beat differently now.
We will live forever in void till we can see you once more.
Our memories we hold close.
Our tears you hold closer.

Missing you.
It just doesn’t make sense to me.
It is much deeper than that...

Now your absence grows in my heart as well.

8 comments:

Cally said...

I know it seems unreal. Like it's all a dream. Better yet, a nightmare. Maybe we can all wake up from our tragedies soon enough, to the sounds of our babies crying for their mommies.

I ♥ you!

Jen said...

Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing. Your comment about wanting dirt under your fingernails, struck me in my gut. When I visit my son's grave I always feel an urge to dig, to want to bring him back. (((hugs)))

Stacey said...

The sixth month mark is so hard ;-(

Holly said...

6 months was one of the hardest for me. ((Hug)) thinking of you

Melissa said...

Big Hugs to you! Time is so strange now isn't it?

John and Allie Fields said...

I have had you and little Savannah on my mind a whole lot these past few days. Praying everyday for you!

AMY said...

I'm sorry! I'm sitting here crying after reading your blog posts!
BIG HUGS Hun!
Amy's Life

ASHLEY ELDER said...

Found your blog, just wanted to tell you I'm sorry about the loss of your daughter. I lost my son last August and everyday is a struggle :( Loved your poem!