Gifts of Life

baby shower

n:

a party given for a pregnant woman, 

to which guests bring presents for the baby

The question has been asked. And I find it more frequent these days. I've had three out of four baby showers. My fifth pregnancy. People still wonder, "when is your baby shower." My, uh, baby shower? I cannot help but be taken by surprise. 

Your first baby. That by far was my most extravagant baby shower. Of course it would be. First time parents, that is a given that the family has nothing "baby." By your fifth? People stop offering advice. People hardly ever ask how your feeling. I see commercials about pregnant women being lavished in "stretch mark lotions" during their pregnancy. Cocoa butter has yet to show up on my doorstep. And let me tell you, I think there is an invisible stamp on my forehead that says,  

"it's not my first baby,

it's not exciting, 

please feel free to NOT touch my belly

or ask when I am due."

Sometimes the awkward "baby loss mommy" inside me cannot help but wonder, "can they sense that I've lost one? Do complete strangers even not want to get too attached?"

So when the question arises, "when is your baby shower." From the beginning I've said, "I'm not having one, I don't see family members and friends really wanting to take that chance again."

Two weeks ago, giving my typical answer, I received a new response. It took me a little by surprise. The voice on the other end replied, "yeah. I'll send something after the baby is born." Now I am no stranger anymore to people saying things that sometimes hurt my feelings. And it really doesn't sound like much, but it got me thinking.

I don't see family members and friends really wanting to take that chance again.

-Yeah.

I feel guilty for every last gift received for Savannah. Every dollar spent to forever sit cold in a tub in our garage.  I had really hoped I would be able to put those gifts to use with this pregnancy. But God felt my life needed something a little different.

The night Savannah died, as I leaned over her body, gently caressing her skin, the nurse said to me, "if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to call us." I looked at her through teary eyes, "Can you tell me what I am supposed to do with everything I received at my baby shower?" She looked at me, her eyes empty with an answer to my question. I said, "I'm thinking I'll give it back to everyone who bought it, so they can get their money back." She shook her head no, "don't do that, you hang onto it for awhile, and one day you will know what to do with it."

And I did I kept most everything. We returned some big unused items that were in definite pink colors. The car seat. Some blankets that weren't really sentimental. In it's place we purchased floating shelves to hold the ceramic figures bought for us to remember her.

The idea of sitting around once more opening presents in front of the same people who bought gifts for the hope that was our Savannah, I just cannot come to grips with. 

What would they be thinking? {"I hope I didn't just throw my hard earned money away again."} Would they only look at me and Davis through sad uncertain eyes? Would a day of celebration become a day of remorse?

But at the same time, I am an expecting mom. It is my fifth baby. My fifth pregnancy. Yes, I have a crib. I have a changing table. I have a glider rocker that I never got to rock my baby in. I've got some saved items through the years, and I have bought many of my own outfits for my little guy to be. 

Davis is a completely different person. He is a great gift in itself. He will show me and my husband that no matter what, Hope and Life can emerge from anything. I hope he can bring that message to those who did and didn't attend Savannah's baby shower. And though I feel every baby is worth celebrating no matter what the circumstance, I feel Davis deserves a celebration. He deserves a gift... Because he is our gift...

Because his mommy needs to know that herself, her husband, and Grandma are not the only people in the world to trust that he is here to stay. 

How many second, third, or fifth time mothers made the decision to celebrate? Or celebrate after a loss?

So on behalf of this journey that you all have walked through with me, I want to share my Gift of Life idea.

If you've followed along with "Savannah's story," I thought it would be inspiring, touching, and hopeful for anyone who would like, sent something USED from one of their own little ones. 

Sounds weird right?

Well, I'm not asking for you to buy anything.

I'd just love to see how many people Savannah's life has reached,

and I'd love to receive something from all of my readers whom have

been there for me and my family this past year

  from their own babies. 

A gift of life. Something that has seen life. Something that has seen love.

For the hope we have for Davis.

I would love to be able to share the hope that others have too.

You do not have to. At all.

But if you would like to.

If you have something you wouldn't mind parting with.

I would cherish every last glimpse of life.

{And please share with me about your little one, and your gift choice.}

<3 Leave a comment below. <3

 {25weeks}