Monday, December 12, 2011

To whom it may concern,

To whom it may concern,

Let me just get it out in the open. You did notice correctly as I walked passed with my three children in tow. I do have another on the way, my belly sure doesn't lie to you these days. Ultimately, if I did the math correctly that does in deed make four children. Socially speaking that is. What my belly and my row of ducklings do not announce to the naked eye, is actually, counting the child I carry in my heart, I do in fact have five children.

So, though I will always be polite, smile and respond to your questions or comments, I will never fully understand why society, strangers, friends and family, really care to know, if this is our last. Or to remind me, in case I was just a mental case for, heaven forbid wanting all of my children, that I must be "pretty busy." (Insert wide eyes here.)

So let me explain a little about my family. Since you, dear stranger in the grocery store, care so much to know if we are going to have any more...

My husband is not a doctor. He is not a lawyer, dentist, surgeon, or business executive. He is though, what a vast majority of American's are not these days. He is a full time, hard working, employee. He has gotten up five days a week, and promoted through chains of command, for years, and through each of the five children we have. One income mind you. Yes, that is correct. I am also a stay at home mother. I provide all of the daily care. All of the nurturing, discipline, compassion, and self-sacrificing love that I could pay obscene amounts of money to receive from a complete stranger.

I spend twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, with my four, (to your naked eye) children. So thank you for reminding me how busy I am. If you don't mind, I would like to remind you of something,

Children are a choice. They are a gift. They do not come with a paycheck, nor should you receive a paycheck for having them. They are joyful and delightful. They are not an obligation. They are not a reason to cringe if you see more than two in the grocery store. They can be stripped from us at any given moment. They are fragile lives, and fragile spirits. They require one hundred percent of our love and devotion or they will always feel like society sees them as "one more."  But they are not one more. They are human beings. They are a decision and a desire from one mothers womb to the world. They hold the future in the palm of their tiny hands. They are miracles. They transform from literally nothing into living, breathing, souls. Noisey, messy, chaotic, and as you wont let me forget, busy souls.

So even though my barefoot and pregnant lifestyle may not appeal to you, I like it. No, I love it. And since the question will probably never evade me... no right now we do not plan on having anymore. And I apologize if we should have stopped after we buried our last. If years down the road we do happen to discuss that option, please let me take down your number so I can get your consult on the matter.

If you don't mind me asking, since we are being so open, you didn't have children did you? Because I can tell how much you cherish each and every one...

Sincerely,
Mother of Five.

14 comments:

Auntie said...

I for one happen to love all 5 of your babies and would love it if you choose to have more :) You guys are amazing parents and I'm so proud of you both.

Tiffany said...

i hate people. why can't some people just mind their own business. your family should be none of their concern. ((hugs)) so sorry you had to deal with that.

Kim Bodiford said...

I love this! I guess you and I are on the opposite end, but yet deal with the same issues. I keep hearing..."Are you going to have any more"...Me " I don't plan on it"..."well you will regret it, your child will be spoiled and alone his entire life" Me.." Haha! You're NUTS! I won't regret it!! And my son WILL NOT be ALONE his entire life.." I have 5 sisters and a bother and all of them has or will have children" My family is VERY close and we see each other if not daily, at least twice per week. My son will NEVER be alone...I dont know why other peoples lives are so important to people that have nothing to do with it!

The Anglin Family said...

Thank you so much for writing this!!! :-) I love it!!
I feel the same way and oh, I get so tired of the questions from random strangers!!!!!!

Gina Toothe said...

Megan, so beautifully written. So honest and open and heartwarming. I love your writings~you are so gifted. People really do need to mind their business. They can always wonder, but should be cautious and think before they ask. The amount of children is always a personal issue, and i feel each one is a miracle and is here because they are supposed to be here. Much love and keep writing cause you have so much to offer for those who will read!!

Natasha said...

People are so rude sometimes. I hate how so many people feel that it's their place to let you know what you should or should not be doing with your life. Ummmm no actually I don't care one single bit what your opinion is- thank you very much!

Sorry you had to deal with the crazy stranger :(

Heidi @ Boys, Buttons, and Butterflies said...

Amen!!

And I love the new look of the blog!!

charis said...

i understand all of what you have written and sadly "what people will think" has too many times entered my head. i am realizing that the stigma of being a mommy to a large family in out undisturbed society is part of the cross He has called me to carry - He always valued children and most of those around Him looked down on His priorities as well. hugs to you.

Caroline said...

Amen & so very true. Very well written. So sorry you had to deal with this.

Holly said...

I dont know why people get so nosy about such things!

John and Allie Fields said...

This just made my night! We are such kindred spirits in how we view motherhood. Nothing pains me more than moms who stay at home but don't want their kids at home with them. I really can't understand it. I LOVE being a mom, even when it's ridiculously tough.

And why is it that people look at you like you have three heads if you have more than 3 kids? We want more and everytime I mention that I would love to have 2 more, I get that weird look. Good grief!

Kate said...

Beautifully written! As a mother who has also lost a child, my heart aches with yours, and also rejoices in God's goodness . . . all the time . . . even in our 'valleys of the shadow of death'.
Thank you for posting this! :)

Amy von Oven said...

I just found your blog and I hated it when people would ask me questions.... What people don't understand is that when You have lost a baby, your "mess" or busy life will never be messy or busy enough because you know in your heart there should be another one. I HATE IT when people remind me....Like i could EVER forget. Im sorry, I know how bad that was!

Birgit said...

Your blog is really great! I'm loving it!