Thursday, September 23, 2010


I am currently a mother of three sick little ones. Brody started the downward viral spiral weekend before last. I was quick to catch the cough, but no other symptoms. {Which isn't like me at all.} And then Michael picked up the cough, followed by the grand finale of Miss. Sarah. I have been pushing juices and cough medicine, but last night around 12am, Michael woke up crying.

I went to him, thinking he may of had a bad dream. "What's the matter bud?" I asked, tired but still trying to be comforting. He clutched his ear... Ear infection... Awsome. I went downstairs and prepared some motrin, and dug for the ear drops. Once he was pampered, snuggled, and feeling a little better, Sarah stirred. Fever... Double-y awsome. More motrin, a glass of cold water, and another one was snuggled back into bed. As my head hit the pillow {ahhhhh} I knew they wouldn't be making it to school in the morning. And I slowly drifted back into dreamland...

First thing this morning I called the doctors office. I scheduled each of them an appointment being "whooping cough" is on the rise... just to be sure... When I told Sarah she wasn't going to school because she needed to see the doctor she cried. I didn't understand. I thought it must have been due to the fact she was missing school. {See I told you they loved it.} She curled up on the couch and sobbed. I still was in the dark about why this was so tramatic.

"Why do I have to go to the doctor?" Sarah had a perplexed look on her face. "The doctor will make you better, and can probably give you something that will get rid of that nasty cough," I replied. She was quiet for a few minutes. "Am I going to heaven?" My heart jus broke.

We have kept Savannah's story at a childhood innocence level for the kids. Sarah took it the hardest. She wanted her baby sister more than any little one could probably hope and dream. Her prayers were wrapped around having a girl. She bonded with Savannah. She talked to her the entire pregnancy. She got giddy over every pink baby item on the shelves of every store we ventured into. She told me stories of all of the things she would do with and for Savannah. More than nine months went into Sarah's sister fantasy. And all too soon, her plans and dreams were also shattered. She never got to meet her. Sarah only has pictures that goes with her anticipated sister. 

When Savannah was born Grandma and Grandpa explained to the kids that she was sick, and needed to stay in the hospital for awhile while doctors made her better. To Sarah, Savannah was in doctors care. The doctors were supposed to be making Savannah better. But Savannah never came home. 

Savannah is better now... but Savannah is in heaven, not here with us.

I sat down with Sarah and held her. I told her that it is not her time to go to heaven yet, and that God chose Savannah for our family for a special reason but he needed her more than we did. God knew that we would understand and he trusted that.

I told Sarah that Savannah's nurses and doctors were wonderful people who did so much for her and that they took extra special care of her while she was with them. But I explained to her that doctors can only do a small part of God's bigger plan. 

God could have healed Savannah here on earth. He could have healed her before she came to us. He could have healed her after. But he didn't. That doesn't mean he can't perform miracles. That doesn't mean he doesn't exist. That doesn't mean he doesn't love us, or that he doesn't love Savannah. It means he loves her that much more. I then told Sarah, because we praised God as we said goodbye to Savannah it means God loves us that much more too... and we will see her again. Savannah's situation had God's hand in it from the very beginning, just as all of ours does.

Needless to say, we are headed to the doctor {willingly} this afternoon... and we will see that we all come out on the other side. {Eventually & Luckily}

And Sarah will always have a healthy baby sister with her always...

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