Thursday, September 16, 2010

When your fat pants don't fit.

This pregnancy, ironically, has been the easiest to loose the baby weight. Savannah was born three and a half weeks ago, and I have lost all of my baby fat. It could have something to do with the fact that I was pumping the first eight days after having her, and then went into a phase of having to be forced into eating there after. {I am eating a little more now I assure you, but not much.}

Which I am sure when I say I lost the baby fat, you would assume I just mean, "hey, I don't have that six month pregnant look that some people hold onto for awhile after giving birth." No I literally mean, I can't even fit into my "pre-pregnancy" jeans because I've lost so much weight.

Although my mid section has been gone for almost a month now, I still find myself slipping into my maternity jeans every morning. They look hideous on me now. I sadly look like a less fortuate person, whom doesn't have clothes in their size. I have to continually pull them up to prevent them from ending up at my feet. My buns are sagging and droopy. And thankfully it isn't because gravity is taking it's course. But as much of a misfit I am sure I look like now, I would be happy to wear my maternity jeans for the rest of my life. Why you might ask? Because letting go of the maternity pants is the last thing I have left in this.

Moving on from my maternity pants signifies that it is finally over. It states that I am not pregnant any more. I am not claiming I can't let go of the pregnancy itself. It is hard in the fact that I know I am not pregnant anymore. I know I don't look pregnant anymore... I don't look like I had a baby. That's just it... as lovely as it always has sounded with past pregnancies, it cuts this time. "You don't look like you just had a baby." Genuine, meaning well people just don't realize the difference in this statement with this situation. Nope I don't at all look like I had a baby. I don't have tummy flubber sure... But I also don't have a carseat on my hip, or a diaper bag attatched to my shoulder. I don't have bags under my eyes from sleep deprivation. I don't have anymore pictures to share, or updates to give. I don't have pink paraphanalia strung from one end of the house to the other. I don't have a beautiful baby here in person for people to gawk at. I don't look like I've had a baby because I don't have a baby. I only have memories of a baby. The rest of the world is going about it's buisness as though no one's world has been altered beyond recognition.

But here I am. Holding on to the memories I have by hiding behind my maternity jeans. Today though, with the strength of his Grace, I am going to go buy some new pants. The world doesn't have to know that I had a baby... because I know... and she was mine.

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