The dark months.

That is what I have heard the holiday months referred to as after loosing a loved one. "The dark months." The month of November. A month full of thankfuls. Family gathers to feast, and celebrate thanksgiving. And then ofcourse thanksgiving just gradually flows into the most wonderful time of year. Christmas. Both holidays where families spend meaningful time together.


There are many "first's" for Savannah in these holidays that surround us. As I have said before, these are all her first's whether she can celebrate with us in person or not. Her first turkey. Her first Chistmas light experience. Her first Christmas. First time only comes around once. I can't wait to show her everything. Because I still do share life with her. Are you excited Savannah? Christmas is the best time of the year. Just ask Jesus!


This year as we close our eyes and fold our hands, and really take a moment to think about what we have in our lives to be thankful for, I already know in my heart what I will say. "Savannah, this year, I am thankful for you."

Last Thursday, I took a pregnancy test. Being I had the flu, and struggled with a fever I paniced at the thought that I was pregnant. Two pink lines appeared. When you discover you are pregnant, there are many emotions that overflow through your body. When you discover you are pregnant after loosing a child, I can assure you there are many emotions that still flow through your body, but they are completely different. They are intensified. They are scary. I began to cry. "Lord, this isn't how I wanted things to start." I was terrified that the baby wasn't getting a fair shot because I was sick. The diaphram forms between eight and ten weeks pregnant. I wanted him or her to be whole. I wanted him or her to be healthy. For 12hours, I tasted what the next pregnancy was going to be like. Every worry, every fear came to mind, and I spent the entire evening lost in prayer. In the middle of the night I realized that my worry's and fear's that I had succome to, were not offering the baby the best chance. I had already doomed the baby without turning faith over to the one whom see's and plan's all. Whatever happens, happens. And we will take the blessings as they come.


Needless to say, I woke the next morning greeted with my monthly friend. I can't help but say I was relieved. God answered my prayer. The next baby deserves a healthy start. And it won't be too much longer...