Wednesday, November 3, 2010

It's not a big deal.

Yesterday, I stepped on a few toes in making my own remark about how I am feeling in regaurds to Savannah having passed now two months ago. I said, "it's not a big deal."

Apparently, it is not okay for me to say, "it's not a big deal." In saying that, people have frowned their noses at me. But no one seems to understand or really hear what I am saying.

Savannah was a big deal. She was my babygirl. I love her deeply, unconditionally. I always will. But to me, her death isn't a big deal.

Why does death have to be an awful thing? It isn't. It is a beautiful, wonderful, fortunate thing. I hold onto more faith, than I think anyone is really grasping here. Faith that I will see Savannah again. God just says it isn't going to be here, and it wasn't going to be for more than eight days. Who am I to say that isn't fair? I have faith that Savannah is just fine. God watches her now, and will for eternity. Why would I not want her maker to care for her when He said I can't?

Why would I want to be so selfish
that I would say Savannah should be here with me?

Yes, I carried a baby to term, and she was taken back.
{I had nine months with her.}

Yes, I had hopes and dreams for her, and she was taken back.
{She exceeded every hope and dream I ever had. My baby met Jesus.}

So see, the fact that I cannot watch her grow up, rock her to sleep, and kiss her little head are only selfish emotions. Those things are not a big deal when your eyes expand from the smaller picture and focus on the beauty painted all around you. I am envious of Savannah. In her eight days, though short, she went out of the world in sure perfection. And now she knows of nothing but. So please excuse me when I make comments that her death is not a big deal.

Death is beautiful & is not a big deal...
...when you glace further and see nothing but heaven.

Savannah is one lucky girl. And I'm not selfish.

"Your little girl cries too much,
My little girl makes no sound.

Your little girl sleeps warm in her crib,
Mine lies cold in the ground.

Your little girl woke up today,
My little girl never will.

Your little girl laughs and plays,
My little girl lies still.

Your little girl makes you proud,
And just as proud am I.

Cause while your little girl is learning to walk,

My little girl can fly!"


Tina said...

Dear Megan,

I'm sorry that people have judged you for your grieving process. It's not right or fair. Who are they to tell you what's the right or wrong way to grieve and how long you should be crying over it! And how you should be feeling.

I know that you don't need me to say this but I just want to give you morale support by saying Yes, it's ok for you to say "It's not a big deal." Sweetie, please know that I do understand and know what you are saying.

Please forgive me if I have said anything in my comments that offended or upset you. If I have, please know that I am so sorry from the bottom of my heart!

Please know that I continue to pray for you.

I love you my sweet Sister!

In Christ's Love & prayers

Sis in Christ

Dawn said...

It's your blog, your feelings. Period. Anyone who feels the need to come and read your thoughts and emotions and judge them to the point of commenting something negative needs to get a hobby. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.