Sunday, November 14, 2010

How children all grieve differently.

Savannah is important.

But there are three other little people who have stolen a piece of my heart as well. And since I don't ever want to portray Savannah as "my favorite" due to the circumstances, I wanted to introduce you to some of my other heartbeats, & explain how they have been coping with the loss of their baby sister...

Sarah Nicole
Born June 18th, 2004

Our first girl. Was the only girl before Savannah arrived, in a group of four boy grandchildren. She started first grade this year and really is thriving with every second. She is headstrong and opinionated; yet compassionate and and tender hearted. Sarah has wanted nothing more than to have a sister. She nurtures and mothers her brothers, but also recognizes the amount of testosterone that is running through the Fraser household.

Savannah was going to share secrets, makeup, clothes, and Sarah's love for all things girly. This is what Sarah dreamed of atleast. She has handled the loss of Savannah, and the dreams of everything that came with having a baby sister amazingly well. She doesn't like that she never got to see her, and that all she has for memories are photographs. She is old enough to understand most of what has happend. She doesn't like the outcome, but she loves that her sister, the one she has waited for, dances with Jesus. She is optimistic that this next baby will be allowed to stay, and {hopefully} will be a girl. We'll see Sarry girl, we'll see. Just remember sweety, "everything happends for a reason."

Michael David
Born May 22nd, 2005

I had a rough pregnancy with little Michael. Blood clots, depression, and pre-term labor. Michael was born into our world instantly sucking his thumb. He is our highly sensative, high strung, quivery voice, teddy bear. He is a contemplating, internalizing, loving, caring, snuggle bug. And that is exactly what he has done with Savannah's death.

He contemplates. He internalizes.

Every night at dinner, Michael never ceases to amaze me wiht his genuine heartfelt prayers on behalf of the baby girl he treasures. {They are such powerful prayers from a five year old, that one day they almost brought my brother to tears.} Michael prayed for Savannah while she formed in mommies tummy, and Michael continues to pray for her even after her soul has left us. Knowing the size of Michael's heart, when he is grown with a family of his own, they will gather around their dinner table and he will say a little prayer for Savannah.  Thanking the Lord for bringing her home to Him, so he could help her breathe again...

Michael although he hasn't said much, has been showing signs that he isn't handeling her death well, although I am sure he is unaware of it. I don't think he is struggling due to knowing he misses his sister, I think he is dealing with the grief and is unaware of his feelings. Michael loved kindergarten when he first started this year. He looked forward to it all last year, when I homeschooled Miss.Sarah. He did well the first few weeks, and it wasn't until after Savannah's death and the chaos that was our home there after, that Michael turned into someone I had never met before. He has stories everyday of kids being mean to him. I'd watch in the mornings as he would seclude himself from the other children on the playground, and sit by himself. He hasn't been progressing in his learning, as if he has shut out the world. He reminds me daily that he misses Savannah, and is worried I won't be there to pick him up everyday when school is over. This summer, {in an uphill battle} we managed to completely break Michael of sucking his thumb. The age had finally come, and it was beginning to effect his teeth and bite. He didn't suck his thumb during the day, but at night when he was sleeping, in would go the thumb. We were so proud of him, and he was especially proud of himself. Savannah left us. There is now nothing we can do to to keep the finger out of his mouth. Morning.... noon... night... it is there. I don't have the heart to prevent it right now. Last night, as he laid down to go to sleep {staring at a picture he has hidden in a special place of Grandma, while sucking his thumb} he took his finger out of his mouth and asked me, "are Grandma and Grandpa going to move to a new house?" I told him no, as I pulled the blankets up around him. He continued staring at the picture, so I asked, "why?" He proceeded to tell me that if Grandma and Grandpa moved away they wouldn't tell us where they lived and he wouldn't see them again. {Grandma and Grandpa-especially, are Michael's world. His little, stressed out world, revolves around their involvement in our family.} And it dawned on me. Michael, in his own little ways, is associating Savannah's death, the fact that she is a member of our family, but we will never see her again, with everyone who is close to him. We are here now, but are we going to be here in an hour, tomorrow, next week even? Needless to say, Koady and I made the decision to remove Michael from kindergarten this year, so he can spend some quality time here... where he feels safe. Where everything is going to be okay. We will give Michael some much needed time to just grieve... with the comfort of his family surrounding him. I'll always be here Michael, no matter what.

Brody Peyton
Born December 19th, 2007

What is there to say about Brody. {If you knew this little boy, you would know exactly what I mean.} He radiates more energy than the sun. Mischief should have been his middle name. He is unable to sit still... it is a battle to get him to follow directions... his noise level could break sound barriers... he is impatient and impulsive to say the least. My husband refers to him as {which there is no better way to describe him} our force of nature. But as you all may be counting your blessings as you read this that he isn't your son, Brody is also very loving and very funny. His hugs could bring you to tears. And when he grabs your cheeks, looks straight into your eyes, and tells you, "I yub you mommy," you know every second of his utter frusteration is worth it.

Obviously, with Brody being two and a half when Savannah was born, he is unaware of the loss in our family. We were going to have a baby. Okay. Now we have pictures of "baby abanna." Having a new baby is pretty darn cool to Brody. It will never have the same effect on Brody as it does on Sarah and Michael. And though this may seem awful to say, it makes me sad for him. I don't want him to feel the hurt of loosing her, but I know that the hurt makes it real. The hurt makes Savannah real. He will always know that Savannah is his baby sister. That he is her big brother, but he will never fully grasp how major the loss was to us. Thank you Brody, for making me laugh during this time, and definatly keeping me busy...

"Mommy loves all four of you...

...more than you will ever know."

4 comments:

Tina said...

Dear Megan,

Thank you for sharing about your other 3 beautiful children. Every child is special in their own way.

You and your family continue to be in my prayers.

In Christ's Love & Prayers

Tina

John and Allie Fields said...

I loved reading this. Thank you for sharing!

Charis said...

everyone does grieve so differently. i will be praying for your kids. i think it is always easier to walk through things ourselves than to watch our kids walk through them. they sound like pretty amazing little ones.

Jaydens mommy said...

I <3 each one of your children and the beautiful way you let us into all of their lives. I think they are all amazing in their own special ways and what amazingly large hearts of gold they all 4 have. Thank you for this.