Thursday, November 25, 2010

It shouldn't be like this.

I couldn't do it this year. I couldn't bring myself to celebrate Thanksgiving. I couldn't force a smile on my face and bear it. I couldn't sit around while people stated what they were thankful for, though I am so happy for all of them. I do have my thankfuls too...

I couldn't bring myself to hide this pain
from people who ignore the unavoidable.

So I stayed home. I turned the ringers off. I snuggled up under the covers. I listened intently to the silence and I cried. My heart welcomed Savannah to snuggle up under my chin and celebrate Thanksgiving with her mommy.
We didn't need a feast to do so. We didn't need 50 guests around us to do so. We just needed a moment to ourselves. Mother and daughter. Finally today, I was thankful.



And then I slept.

I slept until there was no more sunlight in the sky.

It shouldn't be like this.

Ever.

7 comments:

deziann said...

Sometimes you just need some quiet time to reflect, and I imagine it's easier to feel close to Savannah when you can focus all your attention on her for a little while.....On another note, I love the new picture of you on your blog, Beautiful!!

Stacey said...

I did the same thing my first Thanksgiving without Jaleel! I am goad you were able to let the tears flow and just focus on you & Savannah! Sometimes it helps! Sometimes we just can't bear to smile a fake smile anymore!!! I am glad you had the option because I know some didn't!!!

Tiffany said...

you are so right. it shouldn't be like this at all. glad you got to take some time for yourself. i think we all just need to do what is best for us and our hearts now. i just could put on a fake brave face either. ((hugs))

Serenity's Mommy ♥ said...

I wish I could have done that. You know how awful my Thanksgiving was, I wish I could have just slept the day away. Had that even been an option, I would have. :(

John and Allie Fields said...

I would have done the exact same thing. You and Savannah needed that special time!

Anonymous said...

We missed you on Thanksgiving, but completely understood why you felt the need to be home. Enjoyed having Koady and the kids with us and look forward to many more holidays where we can all be together. Sent Auntie hugs home with each of the little ones for you :)

I love you Megan. You are a wonderful mother, a good wife to my nephew and a much loved addition to our family.

Auntie

Anonymous said...

So sorry that you had such a rough day. Been thinking about you.

Jackie