A day for mothers.

Once again, so much time has passed since my last blog entry. Day after tomorrow, Sunday May 8th, marks my sixth mothers day.

Day after tomorrow, Sunday, May 8th, also marks my first mothers day. My first mothers day minus a soul my "motherhood" brought into existence. I am a mother of four this year. When people refer to my children, un-meaningly,  most continue to only acknowledge three.

In honor of this special day very near and dear to my heart, I would like to say once again;

I am a mother of four.

Then.

Now.

Always.

The Rest of my life.

My Sarah, Michael, and Brody changed my life. Each one in a different way. Each one brought new growth. Becoming a mother can not NOT change you if you are dedicated to that divine purpose. But my Savannah? She changed my life in a deeper way. A very spiritual way.

A friend of mine published a quote recently on her daughters memorial page,

" I never realized how strong I really was,

until I had no choice."

This is so true, and no one can understand until you have stared down a tiny six foot hole, where you lay your child to rest one final time.

Savannah's stay was short, but I, Savannah's mother, have assumed responsibility to be her voice. To carry on her life unlived. As I believe to be true, for many mothers of angels. Each tragic death of every infant, every child is never in vain. Some mothers bring awareness. Some mothers build fundraisers. Some mothers make bears, cards, bracelets. Some volunteer their time or encourage walks. We become the lives of the little ones who could not stay. 

It's being a mother.

Even once they leave our homes, leave our lives, we don't ever stop...

being their mother. 

And it never ever goes away. 

Just because you cannot see her, doesn't mean she isn't here. Because every time I speak, you hear her speaking too. Every time I laugh, you hear her laughing too. Everything I do, a part of Savannah's soul motivates me, inspires me, encourages me. When you look at me, you SEE my FOURTH child.

I am living, breathing, proof she is here. I carried her soul inside of me for nine, long, but too short, months. She then carried her soul for eight days all on her own. Now she is carried in my heart.

This is being a mother.

It is sacrificial.

For each and every child.

 Even ones long gone, but never far away.

This... is what a day

for mothers is all about.

We are still mothers to them,

long after they are gone.

Because then we are the mother...

And the child.

My four blessings.

Thank you for making me a mother.

Happy Mothers Day!

You are all glorious, women!!!