30 days of Thankful {Day Three}

Today I am so thankful for Mercy Maternity Center. When I found out that my obstetrician who delivered Savannah was leaving her practice after thirty years of delivering babies, I'll have to admit, I found myself crying hysterically in the parking lot of the Mercy Maternity Center after being told "they would take good care of me."

Any mother-to-be is usually nervous at the idea of deciding on the doctor they entrust not only their well being in, but that of their unborn child's. Savannah's condition, no secret here, was completely undiscovered even through prenatal care, and numerous ultrasounds. I did not hold that against my doctor. I do not believe that eight years of medical universities can make a human being, capable of performing miracles. Healing all. I just don't. Because they are, and always will be, only human. Do I think people are capable of careless mistakes? Of course. But I will not hold Savannah's diaphragmatic hernia against anyone. Had it been discovered, all I manage to see is months of agony and heartache spent, wondering, worrying, living day to day life broken hearted. There was nothing that could have been done to that little body inside my womb to help her. And through God's grace, "Savannah's frame was not hidden from Him. When she was made in secret." {Psalm 139:15} This scripture, used on behalf of so many babies growing and thriving in their mother's tummy. It spoke to me much deeper. Koady and I used it at her funeral. As much as this world offered us during my pregnancy, countless times, Savannah's body, her frame, was hidden. But not from God. Only from us. The Lord, most definitely kept her makes a secret. And His secret, became our blessing. We got to live with Savannah for nine months, just as she was. "Fearfully and wonderfully made." {Psalm 139:14} That was all we knew. We were not scared for the future. We got to live in the moment.

And lastly, the piece of the scripture that fit our little girl so perfectly. "Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed." {Psalm 139:16} People argued with me as I spoke of this scripture; I was told I was reading into those simple words way too much. But it says UNformed. So easily, could it make more sense to say, formed; Created; Established. After all, this is God. He isn't making all babies unformed. But my Savannah was most definitely UNFORMED.  Yes every baby, every being, starts out unformed. That being the sole purpose behind the mother's womb. In our tragedy, this scripture was speaking of my little one.  No amount of time would have ever made Savannah whole. No doctor in the world could have saved her.

Starting over with a new doctor, I was unsure if they would connect to my story. My history. Would they treat me with the compassion I was so desperate for in this pregnancy. Would they accept that I lost my daughter, and sacrifice all they have to see to it I don't loose another?

The doctors, specialists, and nurses have exceeded my expectations in every way imaginable. They have grown to know my story. They know Savannah's name, and are not afraid to speak it. As most medical professionals try to avoid it, the ones overseeing my care have not held back any attachment to my baby boy. They are fighting for him. Every appointment. Every recommendation. Every referral. As I said, I do not blame Savannah's doctor for anything, but I feel blessed to have changed doctors. I feel like I could not be receiving better medical care anywhere else, other than one Medical Center that has stolen and will forever carry a piece of my heart. A piece of my soul...

Today, I'm thankful for Mercy Maternity Center. Like the entire Pediatric Intensive Care Unit at UC Davis, they truly are my fighting angels...

30 days of Thankful {Day Two}

Day two already. I cannot fathom where the time has been going lately. Let me sit and ponder for a minute which one of my "thankfuls" takes second place. Lets just say, each one cannot be measured.

Today, I am thankful for my husband. Our far from perfect marriage. And our almost {December 27th, to be exact} eight years of "I do's."

My husband is my soul mate. Cliche right? Nope. Not when you know. By soul mate, I do not mean we don't drive each other nuts. By soul mate, I do not mean we like all the same things, and are completely alike.

We are opposites in many ways. He drives me nuts at times, and I know that I repay him in the same way. He plays video games, and loves movies and electronics to the point sometimes that I would like to walk into Best Buy with a baseball bat and smash, well everything. He leaves dirty socks lying, well wherever they happen to fall. His idea of organized usually can be defined as "unseen."

But these are his quirks. And without them, I am realizing that he wouldn't be exactly who his is. Mine. And I take him with his "flaws." Because he has taken me with all of mine.

Everyday, he helps me grow. Marriage is not easy. It wasn't the first year. It wasn't the fifth year. It isn't the seventh going into the eighth. I know it will not be any easier the twenty-fifth. But we are both imperfect. Without the grace of my husband in my life, I would not have the relationship with Christ that I have today. From one very intelligent God fearing man, I discovered Faith. I discovered true love.

My husband wakes everyday, and provides for our entire household. Through him, his dedication, and his ethics, I am able to spend everyday at home. Guiding, teaching and nurturing our children. He has never once made me feel resented for this.

One of the the most important reasons why I am so grateful for him. The strength he provided through the death of our daughter. For the prayers he prayed for me. For the encouragement and support. For being able to teach me that goodbye does not mean forever. For the gift of life he gave to me. I am a mother only through his love. Our Savannah, was half of him. The best of both. And he held my hand and my heart as we held our heads high, and looked death straight in the face...

For him, and everything he means to me. On this day, and everyday, I am thankful.

Gift of Love. Lifetime Devotional.

{This blog is apart of the “What love really means” inspirationals 

given by some wonderful bloggers, & wonderful women.}

“No matter what happens, 
you reside in the presence of Love.
Every breath you take fills you with 
grace and divine sustenance.
Breathe in the goodness 
and dare to believe it is so.
Love is your home.”

For those of you whom regularly follow a story unfolding, you will already know we were expecting our rainbow baby. Definition of a rainbow baby; A baby born after a baby lost. A rainbow comes at the end of every storm. But let me share something with you. Just because God shines his heavenly “promise” on the horizon, doesn’t always mean that it has stopped raining outside. We have all witnessed the vibrant colors, while cold water droplets still cascade down all around us.

Last week our hopes and dreams of another pregnancy came to a close. Atleast for the baby anticipated October 3rd. I’ve realized something through our brief rainbow journey…

The moment you experience a positive pregnancy test, you love your unborn baby. A child you are unsure whether will be a daughter or a son. A child you have never seen in person. A child you have never touched; never held. But regardless, you love them. We can love the idea of a life so very much, even if they never get to be. We also expected Savannah’s life to be healthy, long, and full. She presented us with a life “unexpected.” But we don’t count her life to be those eight short days. We loved her loooong before she was born into our physical world. When she was just a life we dreamed about.

We as humans are lovers. We are capable of loving unconditionally and fully. But also as mere humans, we are sinners. Which means our God given gift of loving others, is tainted. We all have a tendencies to be very selfish people. My husband and I have a wonderful relationship. It has always been good, but in the beginning it wasn’t as easy. Because in the beginning I was selfish. I thought that my marriage would be flawless once all my needs were met. I never stopped to consider the fact that my spouse had needs I was failing to meet as well.

Then God entered my world. Now I understand that all of my readers may not be Christians. Please, don’t stop reading just yet. I may dedicate my life to the Lord, but my advice here isn’t excluding my non believing followers either. Whether you believe it or not, God is hard at work in each and every one of our lives.

Once I began reading, studying, and memorizing my bible and bible scriptures, I realized all of my relationships hadn’t been tended and nurtured in ways that show my love in a deep, selfless manner.

Love shouldn’t and doesn’t stop with our husbands and children. Yes, aside from God, our husbands are the most important relationship in our lives. {If they aren’t you need to do some soul searching because they should be. Ladies our children even need to take a backseat to our marital relationship!} We are supposed to be extending our love and compassion to all though…. All of mankind. Just like Gandhi once said, “be the change you want to see in the world.”

Divorce rates in America are 41% for first marriages. {According to divorcerates.org} And they continue to sky rocket. There are hate crimes taking place all around us. Whether it be from hazing in schools, racism, religion, or just evil, what some might consider harmless, judgments. They are in every town. Every state. Every country. And we are all to blame. Our culture and society are a product of it’s own environment… Our judgments rather than our love.

Let’s stop and take a moment. Think back to the last negative thing you either thought, gossiped out loud, or spoke directly to someone. Those things are very easy to remember right? That is because sinful behavior, such as talking badly about someone, is our first nature.

Now… take a moment and think of the last time you stepped out of “convenience” to show true, honest love. I am talking about things that require a little more effort than a quick “love you” as you rush out the door. Gestures that require a little more effort. Though you may still find the answer to this question, lets be honest, it wasn’t as quick was it?

“Be kind and compassionate to one another,
forgiving each other,
just as Christ forgave you.”
-Ephesians 4:32

Love can be extended in the little ways. Those are good. But lets take it a little further, shall we?…

What about the little old lady struggling with her groceries in the parking lot? Sure, she may not be your mother, your grandmother. You have places to be and errands to run. But what is really preventing you from taking a few minutes to help her? Serve her? Love her?

What about your neighbors? How well do you know them, if you know them at all. Maybe you do know them very well… Why not whip up a batch of cookies and take them on over, what ever your relationship may be. What is preventing you from reaching out and loving them?

Or perhaps, you could pick up a card for your husband just to say, “I love you.” {Any other day than Valentines day of course. And it doesn’t count if you are expecting anything in return. Ever.}

These small gestures may not be acknowledged at first, but they begin to make huge impacts. I think you are catching what I am portraying…

In honor of Valentines day this year, I am asking {maybe begging a little} all of my readers to love someone… well, everyone in some unexpected way. Not just on Valentines, but throughout the year. You’ll find if you do, your own heart will soften. It will become easier for each of us to love one another, without the effort involved. It will become easier for us not to judge others based on the mud on their shoes, or the story they may carry on their shoulders. We can start a ripple in the water. After all, we can be “the light of the world.” -Matthew 5:14 

Galatians 5:13 tells us to, “serve one another in love.” By helping or serving each other, we are making a choice to love that person in that very moment. It’s not always easy since this love I am talking in reference to must be extended to our “enemies” as well. Savannah has shown me so many things. After saying goodbye to her, and saying goodbye to what we thought would be our rainbow pregnancy, I now know that life really is short.  We are only given so much time, and never guaranteed another breath. I know what it is like to, “love with a love that is more than love.” I’ve watched life slip away before my very eyes; In my very arms. A love that was taken to the grave…

So now, I want to know in my life I gave myself graciously to the best of my abilities. That I asked forgiveness in all areas that were due, and that I forgave those in my life whom deserve my divine forgiveness as well. I was forgiven by the one that I disappoint everyday. But I am also loved and cherished by the same man. I think I can choose to give these same blessings, considering I didn’t and don’t deserve them. My life may last seventy more years, or I may join my daughter tomorrow. Until then, I choose to love this life I’ve been given.

In wanting to share with you a book that helped me see the ways to “love” God, my husband, my children, and others, I welcome you to enter in my “gift of love” giveaway.

“A Woman After God’s Own Heart.”
Author: Elizabeth George

This book will share & help you with many things
including,

A heart devoted to God.
{Growth in understanding,
loving, and trusting the Lord.}

A heart that loves our husbands.
{Finding a deep commitment to
honor, love and serve your husband…
Even if your not married, this can
Help for marriage later down the road!}

A heart overflowing with motherly affection.
{Shepherding our children,
Loving our children, and caring for them.}

A heart that makes a house a home.
{Tending to our homes.
And enjoying the chores!}

A heart that cares.
{Reaching out to
encourage and love others.}

Plus much much more!!

To enter, all you have to do is either follow my blog or A Story Unfolding’s facebook fan page and leave a comment sweet nothing at the bottom of this blog, with your name and email address and which site you are following. Then, I will contact the winner via email on Valentines day! It is that simple!

::Please only submit if you are deeply interested in being
“A Woman After God’s Own Heart.”
That way others who truly want to read it, have a fair chance!::
Thank you!!

Also if your heart has been inspired to “love” this year, please share your future stories with me at megan_3457@hotmail.com!! I would love to read and share your testimonies!

…& feel free to share this challenge
with others.